forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
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And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
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I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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