Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
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I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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