Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
