It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
50% drunk capacity currently
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
