Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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