I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm too high and old for this...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
