sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
