You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
