also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
