That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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