so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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