Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
