Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
