Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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