Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
