I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
