Plan B is the new Plan A
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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