Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
