and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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