he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
