i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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