just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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