why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
