They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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