at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
