tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
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