And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
