can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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