Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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