i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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