I feel like abortions should bother me more
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize