He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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