She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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