and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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