This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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