I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
