Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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