I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize