my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
