...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
