The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
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And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
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You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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