We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
