I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
