There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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