haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
