You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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