it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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