White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
