If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
