i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
