And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
