kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
