What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
