the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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