Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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