I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
