I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
