omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
