Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
