Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
