I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
