I love black thongs
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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