Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
